Late night bagel conversation
by Ca98
Summary: Sandy can't sleep and Ryan has nightmares. They bond over late-night bagels.


I know how difficult it is to heal from trauma and I can imagine that Ryan still struggles with it from time to time. And I was craving some Sandy/Ryan family bonding.

Hope you enjoy :-)

English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any mistakes.

Disclaimer: none of the characters belong to me

Sandy was humming a song while he put four bagels in the toaster.

He had been beaming last week when he brought home the new appliance that allowed four bagels to be toasted at the same time. Kirsten had not quite understood his enthusiasm.

"We should have bought that thing two years ago." He had said, " We are a family of four. And we all", he had cast a glance at his wife who shook her head, "love bagels."

It was the first Saturday night in what felt like months where he didn't have an event or some other thing. It had been a very relaxing day. The sun had almost set and he could spot some late beachgoers if he squinted his eyes.

He had already been in bed, but he could never say no to a bagel craving.

A soft breeze came through the ajar window and he inhaled deeply, just enjoying the peace of the night.

"Sandy?"

Startled by the sudden voice he turned around to find Ryan standing by the door, already in his pj's and hair untamed as if woken up from a bad dream.

He looked uneasy, his thumb and index finger rubbing together.

The toaster clicked, indicating the bagels were ready. Sandy didn't pay attention to it.

"Everything ok?"

Ryan sucked on his lips and slowly shook his head. "I- I can't sleep."

Sandy nodded, "Me neither. The bagel craving had to be satisfied. Do you want one?"

Ryan glanced at the toaster, "Yeah, sure."

He sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island. Sandy pulled out the cream cheese and started smearing the bagel halves.

"Any reason why you can't sleep? Usually, teenagers are up late on the weekend."

Ryan shrugged. He shifted in his chair and Sandy knew he wanted to say more, but was struggling to let his guard down. It still hurt him. That Ryan needed to feel like he couldn't trust him and Kirsten completely.

Give him time, Sandy, give him time, he always told himself when this happened.

It didn't matter if it took two years or ten. Ryan was allowed to take his time.

"Thanks" Ryan took the two bagel halves and started chewing. Sandy sat down next to him.

"One of my mom's boyfriends worked part-time in a bakery." Ryan suddenly said. He didn't look at Sandy when he tried to make eye contact.

"When he was in a good mood he would bring home bread rolls and bagels. But we never had cream cheese so Trey and I ate them plain."

"So I guess this is an upgrade then."

The remark elicited a small smile from Ryan. He nodded, "Yes, it is." He took another bite.

After a while, Ryan put down the second half and cleared his throat. He was playing with his fingers, visibly anxious. "I had a nightmare."

Sandy looked at him and he saw that Ryan tried to play it off with a grin, already regretting his words, "It wasn't bad, really. It's stupid."

He was about to get up and probably leave so Sandy reached out his hand to put it on his back.

Ryan jerked away at the sudden movement, stumbling back and grabbing the kitchen counter to steady himself.

Sandy froze. He hadn't expected such a reaction from Ryan. Not that it hadn't happened before. He couldn't count the times Ryan had tried to duck when hands got near him.

His heart broke. For all the terrible things Ryan had gone through in his relatively short life. That he was still afraid of getting hurt. That his instincts took over even after two years of living here.

When they had first discussed adopting Ryan into the family, the social worker had told him and Kirsten that it would take years to gain Ryan's trust and that they shouldn't blame themselves. Trauma left deep scars. Sandy knew all that.

He had started reading and putting away the file countless times, never quite ready to know everything that had happened to Ryan.

"I'm sorry." Ryan ran a hand through his hair. "I thought- I didn't think-."

"It's ok." Sandy remained seated, voice calm. "It's ok."

"I know you would never do...that. I just-.", Ryan threw up his hands in frustration. "The dream messed with my head."

"Was the dream about Aj?" Sandy asked carefully, aware that he was on thin ice.

Ryan nodded. "And my father." he cringed as if the word was poison, "Frank, I mean. Even after all this time"

"You're safe here, "Sandy said. It came out before he had really thought about it, "This won't happen here. And Aj and Frank can't get to you."

Ryan shifted again. "I know that I should know this, but," he gestured towards the pool house and gave him a fake grin, "they are the monster in my closet. I can't seem to get rid of them. They are still here and they are...", he took a deep breath, "hurting me."

Sandy stood up, putting the last bagel in his mouth, "Come on, let's go."

He quickly stepped outside into the yard and approached the pool house. Ryan was following him slowly, brows furrowed.

Sandy turned on the lights and went straight to the shelf where Ryan kept his clothes.

"This is the closet, right?"

Ryan's lips turned into a hesitant smile. "Well, yeah but not really, it doesn't have doors. And what I really meant the closet in," he was clearly struggling to say the next words, "in me, in my mind."

Sandy nodded, "I know. I still have an idea. We are going to lock the monsters inside."

"Inside?"

Sandy looked around until he found the spare curtains Kirsten had stored in the bottom drawer in the small kitchen of the pool house that nobody ever used, certainly not Ryan.

"Aha." He motioned Ryan to help him spread it over the shelf. They tugged it in the gaps until the shelf was covered.

"Now we need something that represents Newport for you."

"Newport?" Ryan asked slightly confused. "Umm. I'm not sure."

Sandy looked around the room. "Something that would never make you think of the monsters in here."

Sandy could see that Ryan appreciated that he didn't use Aj's and Frank's names.

"I think the Berkely sweater you gave me." Ryan eventually said. His voice was quiet, soft.

Sandy gave him a smile. "Do you want to tell me why?"

Ryan went to the shelf, grabbed it from underneath the curtain and held it against his chest like a precious treasure.

He shrugged. "I guess because it stands for opportunity and support. Something I didn't have in Chino."

Sandy had to admit he was proud. "That's an excellent choice." He felt warmth spreading through his chest. He could tell that Ryan was trying to thank him. Trying to show how much Sandy and this family meant to him.

"What do I do with it now?"

"You hang it over the shelf, over the curtain, that way it will prevent anything from coming out. Like a gatekeeper. Here, let me do it."

Sandy took the sweater from Ryan's hand and draped it over the curtains. "No one is escaping from under there. Not on my watch."

When he turned around Ryan was smiling at him. A sincere smile. Ryan bowed his head slightly as if he was suddenly embarrassed. "Thank you, Sandy."

"Any time. Are you good here? Can I leave you?"

"Yes. I feel better."

"Alright." Sandy passed by Ryan and when he gently patted his back he didn't even flinch. "Good night, son."

"Good night, Sandy."

Sandy closed the door and slowly walked back to the house. He turned around the corner and stopped, surprised to see Kirsten.

She was eating a bagel.

"Kirsten?"

"Sandy!"

"I thought you didn't like bagels and the new toaster."

"Well. I heard you go downstairs and when you didn't come back I thought I would look."

Sandy raised his eyebrows, "Mhm."

"Where were you, anyway?"

"I was with Ryan."

"Everything alright with him?"

Sandy nodded, "Yes. Well, he had a nightmare."

Kirsten put down her bagel, suddenly looking concerned.

"He flinched again when I tried to pat his back, That hadn't happened in months. But I think it was because of the bad dream."

Kirsten took his hands and pulled him closer. He could smell a faint scent of her perfume. She looked so beautiful, even late at night.

"You know you are doing great with him, right?" she asked, rubbing his hands. "He really admires you. I see it every day. And him reacting the way he did tonight has nothing to do with your parenting skills."

Sandy gave her a kiss on the forehead "Thank you for saying that."

"Is he ok now?"

"Yes. We worked it out."

She smiled, "That's good."

He pulled her into a hug. "I knew you would like the bagels. They have these new sesame ones and they are addictive."

"You and your bagels." Kirsten chuckled. "Let's go to bed."

"Let's go to bed."


End file.
